Being a bondservant

Hi all,

In the period of my conspicuous absence from writing notes, a lot has been going on under the covers. God is continuously reworking and retooling me to be fit for purpose and some of it hurts :) . It does not hurt in only the typical way that you lose something or someone but it hurts in that you feel sometimes that there is a loss of identity, more often that not, the closer you get to the calling, to the place where you should be , the more intimate you become with the father the more he requires of you.

God does not COMPROMISE, you cannot SERVE both God and mammon, you have to make a choice and today I realized how much I had changed , how much more I lived for him. My spirit is constantly troubled nowadays, things that I wouldn't have bothered about before ,I do now. I am constantly aware of his presence, constantly aware of his will, I cant plead ignorance any more, I cant ask to be allowed to BLEND IN. He WONT allow me to BLEND IN, to HIDE MY LIGHT under a bushel . Indeed the word is like a fire within my breast and the longer I hold it in, the more I want to explode. I am beginning to understand what Jeremiah said ," But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot" Jer 20:9.

I run away for a while, because I was becoming radical, I was becoming crazy, my spirit was burning up with his word. I would literally force myself to keep quiet because speaking in certain situations would be awkward. I was worried about being ridiculed , about being an outcast for what I believe and what the Spirit of God was shouting in my spirit. I chose to ignore it all, but I cant, I am his bondservant. I am HIS alone. In HIM do I find my being. I've given up running, maybe you should as well. THERE IS NO PLACE WHERE HIS LOVE CANNOT FIND YOU.

Dont be afraid to be radical, dont be afraid to change the world, for greater is HE that is IN you than he that is in the world. 1 John 4:4